some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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