I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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