I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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