Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
