When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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