he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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