Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
