I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
