Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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