Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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