if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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