He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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