Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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