I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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