Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
