I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
