No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize