apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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