so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
