I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
