Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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