apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
