Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
