Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize