is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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