i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
