Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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