new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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