Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
