Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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