Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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