I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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