hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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