question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
