why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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