I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
