ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
