I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
