I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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