i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
