New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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