elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
