She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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