I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
