I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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