I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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