you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
