he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
