I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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