the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
