thus making me awesome and them whores
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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