Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
