Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
