just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
