i just had sex bonerless
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
