We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm at about main and main street
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
