so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize