what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
