We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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