you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
