We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize