You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
