found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
