I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
ttyl tear gas
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
