i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
