Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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