Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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