i permit you to call me
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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