I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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