From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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