Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
