it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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