so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
