For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
