She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize