I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Mom said you looked used
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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