I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
