She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize