I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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