Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This is my gift to your gina
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
