What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
