please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
