I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize