dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
