Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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