I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
A+ Viking dick
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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