omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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