I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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