I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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