Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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