Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
