Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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