I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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