Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
