It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
