My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Randomize
