she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
