dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
