My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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