Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
