Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
