It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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