I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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