I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
