Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
