isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
