i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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