I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
